Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think your dad took our porno
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
