why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
