this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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