I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
