you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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