Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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