thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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