Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
