it was like eating out sand paper
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
