I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
