she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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