I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize