so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
