ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
