my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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