I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
