Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
