You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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