Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
