btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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