so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
