So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
