last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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