i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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