Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
