smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
