just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
