glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
