Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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