i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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