I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
