There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
