just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize