Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
