I want to make a zoo with you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry about my life...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
