the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
