We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
