1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
