Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I would ride that face into the sunset
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
where are my eyebrows?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
