Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
