He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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