So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
