remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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