Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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