Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
