i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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