she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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