All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
pray to the hookup gods
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
