the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
