Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
