stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
