vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This toilet bowl is my home.
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