Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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