Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
