It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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