I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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