Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
