I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
