At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
