Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
