doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
