After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
