one might say we're banned from that church
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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