dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
