So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
