can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
