my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize