There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
