cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
