I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
