And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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