No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
