Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
