Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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